I'm Still Janky and Now I'm Broke

In an effort to be like my too legit to quit friends I have decided to make a change with my blog.

Almost every blog I read is on Wordpress. These blogs have beautiful, custom designs, and easy to read layouts. My blog design is janky. I want a pretty blog that reflects me and I don't want to fit in a standard template of the twenty or so that Blogger offers.

Goodbye Blogger, hello Wordpress!

Since I'm moving I've decided to re-think the blog name. I turned twenty-nine this year. If you suck at math, that means next year I'll be thirty. Is 20-something shenanigans really appropriate for a 30 year old?

I thought I could rock it, like be forever young sorta thing. But, I'm sure after I turn thirty there's gonna be some jackasses in the blog world reminding me that I'm not a 20-something any more. And I'm pretty sure that's gonna piss me the fuck off.

I picture my 30-something self as having a short fuse.

Also, "Shenanigans". Yeah, I dig the word, but it makes me feel like I should write about impish pranks.

Of which, I have none.

Anyway.

So, I came up with a new name! Yay! And I think I dig it!

And I bought a domain with the new name on Word Press!

And I got a Gmail account with my new name!

Go Me!

Except, I'm screwed.

Holy shit. This Word Press thing is HARD y'all.

And not in a good, rock your body, hard either.

I messed with the Word Press themes, some font program, and tons of other shit.

And wanna know something?

It looked like shit.

I checked out the themes other blogs use. I don't have a lot of money to invest so I need something that can be customized by me and won't cost an arm and a leg.

One theme (thesis? design? I have no idea the proper lingo here) that stood out to me was DIY Themes. I looked at their website and watched their tutorial. It seemed simple to use, the installation was straight-forward, and they are known for great support. What could go wrong? I saved my pennies and bought the DIY Theme last weekend. Sweet! I'm in business, right?

No. Not Quite.

Apparently to load DIY Theme I need an FTP client.

Huh? What is FTP?

I do some research and download the FTP Client.

Awesome! Ready to Launch!

No.

I need to know the Host server name or some shit to get the FTP client to work.

Fine.

I spend a jazillion hours googling, "What the mother effin-fuckety-fuck is Word Press's fucking host what-the-eff-ever's name?!?"

Word Press doesn't provide that information, so I have to pay some company to host my blog.

Okaaaaay....

I look into a host and the cost is reasonable, only $4.95 a month for hosting.

Sweet! Sign me up!

I have to select a 12 or 24 month plan. The rates are the same for both.

Whatever.

I select the 12-month rate. Sure, "Host" charge me $4.95 a month for 12 months. I can swing that. I put in my credit card and cha-ching! I look at my receipt, and it doesn't show $4.95.

No.

It shows $59.40.

The ASSHOLES charged me for the whole 12-months upfront!

Fifty-nine Fucking Dollars and Forty Holy-Abe-Lincoln Cents!

OH MY GOD I AM GOING TO KICK SOME HOST ASS!

Deep Breath.

At least I have the info to put in my FTP thing-a-ma-jiggy.

I'll explain the over-draft fee in my personal, play-money bank account to my husband later.

I enter the Fifty-FUCKING-Four Dollar password. In the dumb ass FTP bullshit thing.

FTP connects and I'm in like Flynn!

Hell Yeah!

I go back to my DIY Themes instructions to get started.

Wait.

I have to install Word Press since I'm now "self-hosted".

Jesus Christ.

I figure out how to install the Word Press.

It's installed.

Hallu-fucking-llujah.

Back to my DIY Themes instructions.

Annnnnnnd, the folder I need to start with isn't there.

I have no idea how to get it.

Since accounting is so much fun, let's tally my investment:

Tally of Amanda's Mother Fucking Blog Shit that still Doesn't Work
URL on Word Press: $18.00
DIY Themes: $87.00
Self Host WTF Thing: $59.40 (Assholes)

Total: $164.40

I'm in the em-effing poor house and I have nothing to show for it.

I better find some impish pranks to write about.

Shit.