In an effort to be like my too legit to quit friends I have decided to make a change with my blog.
Almost every blog I read is on Wordpress. These blogs have beautiful, custom designs, and easy to read layouts. My blog design is janky. I want a pretty blog that reflects me and I don't want to fit in a standard template of the twenty or so that Blogger offers.
Goodbye Blogger, hello Wordpress!
Since I'm moving I've decided to re-think the blog name. I turned twenty-nine this year. If you suck at math, that means next year I'll be thirty. Is 20-something shenanigans really appropriate for a 30 year old?
I thought I could rock it, like be forever young sorta thing. But, I'm sure after I turn thirty there's gonna be some jackasses in the blog world reminding me that I'm not a 20-something any more. And I'm pretty sure that's gonna piss me the fuck off.
I picture my 30-something self as having a short fuse.
Also, "Shenanigans". Yeah, I dig the word, but it makes me feel like I should write about impish pranks.
Of which, I have none.
So, I came up with a new name! Yay! And I think I dig it!
And I bought a domain with the new name on Word Press!
And I got a Gmail account with my new name!
Except, I'm screwed.
Holy shit. This Word Press thing is HARD y'all.
And not in a good, rock your body, hard either.
I messed with the Word Press themes, some font program, and tons of other shit.
And wanna know something?
It looked like shit.
I checked out the themes other blogs use. I don't have a lot of money to invest so I need something that can be customized by me and won't cost an arm and a leg.
One theme (thesis? design? I have no idea the proper lingo here) that stood out to me was DIY Themes. I looked at their website and watched their tutorial. It seemed simple to use, the installation was straight-forward, and they are known for great support. What could go wrong? I saved my pennies and bought the DIY Theme last weekend. Sweet! I'm in business, right?
No. Not Quite.
Apparently to load DIY Theme I need an FTP client.
Huh? What is FTP?
I do some research and download the FTP Client.
Awesome! Ready to Launch!
I need to know the Host server name or some shit to get the FTP client to work.
I spend a jazillion hours googling, "What the mother effin-fuckety-fuck is Word Press's fucking host what-the-eff-ever's name?!?"
Word Press doesn't provide that information, so I have to pay some company to host my blog.
I look into a host and the cost is reasonable, only $4.95 a month for hosting.
Sweet! Sign me up!
I have to select a 12 or 24 month plan. The rates are the same for both.
I select the 12-month rate. Sure, "Host" charge me $4.95 a month for 12 months. I can swing that. I put in my credit card and cha-ching! I look at my receipt, and it doesn't show $4.95.
It shows $59.40.
The ASSHOLES charged me for the whole 12-months upfront!
Fifty-nine Fucking Dollars and Forty Holy-Abe-Lincoln Cents!
OH MY GOD I AM GOING TO KICK SOME HOST ASS!
At least I have the info to put in my FTP thing-a-ma-jiggy.
I'll explain the over-draft fee in my personal, play-money bank account to my husband later.
I enter the Fifty-FUCKING-Four Dollar password. In the dumb ass FTP bullshit thing.
FTP connects and I'm in like Flynn!
I go back to my DIY Themes instructions to get started.
I have to install Word Press since I'm now "self-hosted".
I figure out how to install the Word Press.
Back to my DIY Themes instructions.
Annnnnnnd, the folder I need to start with isn't there.
I have no idea how to get it.
Since accounting is so much fun, let's tally my investment:
Tally of Amanda's Mother Fucking Blog Shit that still Doesn't Work
URL on Word Press: $18.00
DIY Themes: $87.00
Self Host WTF Thing: $59.40 (Assholes)
I'm in the em-effing poor house and I have nothing to show for it.
I better find some impish pranks to write about.