Friday, May 14, 2010

Sleeping with The King

Last weekend I went to Memphis with my mom, two sisters, and my fifteen year old niece. It was the first time we had gone on a girls only trip, and it was a blast. We giggled non-stop and I have so many fun memories and inside jokes from that trip. I wish I could take a trip like that every weekend. We vowed to do it once a year, so I suppose that will have to suffice.


Our first day in Memphis we went to Graceland. And all I can say about it is, AWESOME! I knew I would enjoy Graceland but I didn't know that I would love it as much as I did! We had a great time! Besides the house Graceland has a number of exhibits for you to peruse. At the end of each exhibit there is a gift shop.

Shocking. I know.

While we're out my mom mentions that she wants one of those huge sleep shirts with The King's face on it.



My niece and I decide to separate from the pack to buy the sleep shirt for my mom as a Mother's Day gift. After going through gift shop after gift shop in search of huge sleep shirt with King, we finally find the perfect one.

It's black.

She wants pink.


So I ask my sweet (allegedly) niece to take the shirt and ask the cashier if they have it in pink. She looks at me horrified, "I'm not asking them THAT," she says, "They will think it's for ME!"


They have no respect.

So I beg my niece to ask the lady, because God knows I don't want her thinking the sleep shirt is for ME.

Niece won't budge.


So....I hold up huge sleep shirt with King and say to the cashier, "Do you have this in pink?" Three other customers immediately turn their heads and look at me holding huge sleep shirt with King. "It's not for me..." I stammer....


Turns out they did have it in pink.

But I didn't like it.

So I bought the one in black.

My mom loved it.

Humiliating yourself for absolutely no reason rocks.

Thursday, May 13, 2010

Cracking a New Egg

Wow. So this blog has totally been abandoned, eh?

Actually, it's not so much that I abandoned it as it is that my first post was such a god damn masterpiece that I decided to quit while I was ahead.


I'm like Margaret Mitchell y'all.

Instead of doing what I normally do when it comes to writing like procrastinating and procrastinating, then avoiding it all together like the plague, and then wondering why I'm not some hip member of the blogging community. And how come I'm not BFFs with some of my fave bloggers - they would TOTALLY heart me! And why am I not attending Blogher?? would help if I actually, ya know, BLOGGED once in awhile! Anyway instead of doing all that stuff I've been doing for like forever - I'm cracking a new egg!

I hereby commit to blogging everyday for a month! Every. Em. Effing. Day. Ha! Who can say that they do that? Barefoot Foodie? The Bloggess? Anissa? Ali? Krista Bella? Metalia? Nope! They can't! Because they don't post every day! I know because I check their blogs. Every. Day.

BTW...I was totally gonna start this on the first of May, but...well, you know...May 13 is just such a ROUND number!

I considered a commitment to post every day for an entire year, but didn't wanna set the blogging world afire with my trailblazing ways!

At least not yet.

So every I'm doing it. I swear!

Wednesday, March 10, 2010

Y'all I'm taking back "y'all"....OFFICIALLY.

Seriously, when did "y'all" suddenly become the cool "it" thing to say? I'm fine with people from the south saying it. But suddenly I'm seeing people from Ohio and New Jersey using it, and THEN the other day my "friend" from CONNECTICUT was on Facebook saying "y'all" in her posts. WTF? This is the same girl that claimed New England (NEW ENGLAND, y'all) as the heartland of America - seriously? Everyone knows that the heartland of America is the MIDWEST. She also claimed that Connecticut has the BEST pizza in the United States. CONNECTICUT! Now I don't wanna get in the Chicago vs. New York pizza debate (Chicago), but I know that the best pizza doesn't come from fucking Connecticut for fuck's sake. Is Connecticut even a legitimate state? It's small, no one knows how to spell it right, it doesn't really have a city, or probably even an airport...but I digress....My point is that this girl has hi-jacked "y'all" in her lexicon.


I am from Georgia. In fact I have lived here my entire life. Now, that doesn't mean I'm a big redneck or anything (although Freebird is my favorite song...) in fact I BARELY even have an accent. However, I do enjoy saying "y'all". And I loved how it was my native southerner word. It was like my badge since I don't have an accent to indicate my origin. And now, suddenly, there's all these Damn Yankees (yeah I said it...and remember I'm not a redneck) going around using MY word like it's "cool beans" or something. UGH!

Soooooo....I'm here to say I'm taking "y'all" back and from now on if you use it I'm gonna ask for your social security card to verify you're from the south. Now, you may ask, "How will that verify it?" Well, I figured out a long time ago that the first number of your SSN tells which state you were born in. Mine is 2 that equals Georgia. But, then a few months ago, my Filipino mother-in-law told me her SSN and it started with a 2 also. I figure that it's probably because Georgia is such a welcoming and generous state that when she became a citizen Georgia was like, "Aw shucks, you don't need to worry about bein' mistooken for a yankee or nuthin - you just take this here Social Security number and have yourself a fine life..."

Because Georgia is awesome. Y'all.

Okay, I guess the whole social security number thing won't work out too well. Besides, it will probably be pretty sketchy for me to be creeping around asking people for their social security number....

How about this compromise: if you are going to use the word "y'all" then you give up your right to make fun of our southern sleeping with our cousins (hardy-har-har...major eye roll...) No! Like how we stay home from work and school at the slightest threat of snow. Because the truth is, Mr. New Jersey, YOU want to stay home too. Also, we call all carbonated beverages "Coke" - it doesn't matter what it is - it's all Coke to us. Um...and don't order Pepsi in the south EVER. Pepsi is for Yankees and communists - as my sister would say - none of which you want to claim. Oh, and barbecue describes...well, barbecue. Don't you dare call a cook-out a barbecue. If you're not serving yummy ribs and pulled pork covered in delicious barbecue sauce then it is NO barbecue. It's called "grilling out". You got that "Left Coasters"???

Phew! Now that I got THAT out of the way - if you can't handle all of our whacked out endearing customs then you have no business using "y'all".

But if you can embrace them...well then y'all are welcome to use "y'all" as much as y'all would like (see Southern hospitality really does exist)!