Opening My Eyes

Last Friday I read a post on Anissa's site where she mentioned a meet-up for bloggers in Atlanta taking place on Saturday.

Hmmm...

It was free, local, AND they had beer.

Hmmm...

I mentioned it to my husband in that way wives talk to their husbands about things they want to do but need the push to make it happen:

"There's like this thing downtown...with bloggers...and I don't know. Maybe I'll go...but I don't have anybody to go with so....I probably won't...and I won't know anyone....but maybe I will....I don't know."

First, my husband was scared that I expected him to go with me. OMG. He might have to hang out with a bunch of women and drink beer at a brewery.

The Horror!

Once I assured him that I definitely did not want him to attend. He came up with an idea, invite Tiff (otherwise known as Beeker and for the record, I'm Shotgun, don't ask, go with it.)

I was hesitant.

This blog is kinda, sorta, really a secret.

Shhhhhhh....don't tell.

I was worried Tiff would be offended that I hadn't shared my blog with her. My husband assured me she would understand. I wasn't sure, so I sent her a 50,000 word, insecure, rambling email which basically said:

"I wanna go because I'm interested in starting a blog...but definitely don't have a blog, so yeah. No blogging going on 'round here. Please, please go with me!" 

I'm sneaky like that.

Tiff replied:

"Jesus, Amanda. What's up with the long ass email? Do something just for you which has nothing to do with me? Uh, yeah, count me in. There's no Shotgun without Beeker!"

Of course she did.

So we went. When we arrived (an hour late) my nerves kicked in. I thought the event would be in a large private room where peeps would be standing and mingling. Maybe a keynote speaker. I don't know. I'm a rookie. Instead, everyone was seated around the corner of the restaurant's entrance at a group of tables.

The first people we saw were Julia Roberts (yeah, really) and Anissa, The Legend. I won't go into all the reasons I love Anissa, I'm sure you love her for the same reasons. After greeting Anissa and Julia we went to take our seat at a table down from them.

This is when things could have been awkward.

The area we were in had four high-top tables with chairs on one side and a shared bench on the other side against the wall. The tables were full and the last table sat by the corner about three feet away from the table next to it.

Shit. We're gonna be the weirdos in the corner.

Tiff and I couldn't decide if we should move the table over or not.

Hi, my name is Amanda watch me move furniture.

I didn't need to worry. The seated ladies told us to move the table over and they squished in to make room. We met Katherine and she was lovely. We met Jana and she was lovely. Then we met Miranda, Lauren, and Stacie, and we met some other bloggers too. Everyone was lovely. A group of lovely, smart women (and a few awesome men too. AHEM.)

It was amazing.

Y'all these women are legit. Like too legit to quit. For reals.

I can't name all of their credentials, but I was out of my league. Big Time.

The best part is that while I was there I had no clue how important these ladies are. None. They didn't talk about it. They didn't have to. These ladies are awesome and secure with themselves so they don't need to read everyone their resume. They listened to Tiff and me ramble, and they laughed at our lame jokes.

I have never felt so welcome and at home.

Brace yourself.

It's about to get even deeper up in here.

After reflecting (yes, I reflect - with my super duper handy dandy thought mirror I reflect. It's kinda a big deal.) about the meet-up I feel there is a deeper meaning to it. I'm not very religous but maybe Someone (God?) was opening my eyes. The ladies I sat with have dealt (and are dealing?) with postpartum depression. Was Someone showing me that if I have a baby it's not necessarily the perfect life I dream of, there may be issues that come along with giving birth, and support is there for me if I need it?

Whoa. That's some serious shit.

There's more.

Miranda. She's totally my sister from another, er, mister. We each had our wedding at the same venue, when planning my wedding, two years ago, I came across her bridal profile on a website. I pored through her photos for ideas and tried to find her email address to ask some questions. I had no luck then, but Saturday she sat across from me. Maybe people come into your life when they're supposed to.

Tiff. Wow. What can I say about Tiff? That I love her? Yes. That she's a true friend? Yes. Tiff has been my rock these past months. Before my miscarriage I thought I knew what friendship was. I didn't. I do now.

Because of Tiff, I know.

We spent most of the weekend together and at one point she jokingly asked:

"So is that best friend spot filled yet? Are you gonna let me fill it?"

I laughed and said, "You already have."

That's the truth. She filled the best friend slot years ago. It took this weekend and this event for me to see it.

Thanks for the meet-up, ladies.

Thanks for being my best friend, Tiff.

Single White Stylist

Here's part two of my stylist story, for part one click here.

I like to say that this is when she went all "Single White Female" on my ass, but I've never seen Single White Female, so if it doesn't apply just pretend it does. Mmmmkay?

Don't be an asshole.

*Ring*

*Ring*

I grab my cell phone and see an unfamiliar number.

"Hello?"

"Amanda?"

"Yes, who is this?"

*Huge Sigh* "This is Michelle"

"Who?"

"Michelle your hairstylist! Don't you remember me?!?"

Oh shit.

"Oh yeah of course I do. Um, How's it goi-"

"Listen. I've quit the salon. Me and Tanya are opening our own place down the road and you need to come see me. Don't go back to the other place. Leslie is a bitch and she screwed me over so you better come see me at the new place."

I should point out that I have no idea who the fuck Leslie and Tanya are. It was my first time at the salon when I visited Michelle and I didn't even know her name, the name of my own professional stylist. She was too busy bitching me out and telling me about baby daddy drama to introduce herself or to fill me in on the latest happenings at the salon. So, yeah. WTF.

"Um, yeah. Okay. I'll call you and make an appointment."

NOT.

"Well I got my book right here so let's go ahead and make it now. Tanya wants us to get full books so we can show those bitches that they screwed with the wrong people. How about Saturday at 11?"

It had been maybe three weeks since she had done my hilights. I'm doing good if I can scrape up the money to get my hair cut and hilighted every twelve weeks. So every three weeks?! Um. No. Ain't happening. Ever. And besides, wouldn't that be bad for my hair? Shouldn't she be concerned about over processing my luscious locks? I mean, she's a god damn professional y'all.

"Yeah, that's not gonna work. Lemme look at my schedule and get back to you okay?"

"Fine. Make sure you call back. You can't screw your hair up again after I put all that work into it, ya' hear? And if you don't get in my books Tanya's gonna be pissed. I told her I could depend on you."

And by screwing up my hair she means, ya' know, growing it.

"Mmmmkay...."

And we hang up. An hour goes by and my phone rings again. It's her. I don't answer. She leaves a message:

"Amanda, it's Michelle. How long does it take you to check your schedule? *sarcastic laugh* I'm filling up fast so I need to know when to put you down for. Hurry and call me. Today."

The next day I receive another message:

"You forgot to call yesterday. Call me as soon as possible. It's important that you call. We need to talk."

Two days later:

"Amanda it's Michelle. Call me."

Then a day later:

"What the fuck!"

One week later:

"Hey Amanda, sugar. Girl, we need to talk. I don't know why you're not answering your phone. If you've been talking to Leslie don't believe a word of it, honey. You know my work is good and I want to fix your hair. I did good last time by you and it's only fair that you give me my due. If there's something wrong all I ask is that you talk to me. I just changed places and I can't be losing my regulars. We ain't even off the ground yet and you're doing this to me. Tanya's upset and I can't eat thinkin' about you bein' mad at me. Gimme a call, sugar. We'll work it out."

That was the last message I received from Psychopath Michelle. But she kept calling. She called me 17 times after the last message. I think she knew that when she had to be sweet the battle was lost. She probably kept calling so she could cuss my ass out. Sadly, she never had the pleasure.

So what did I do?

I went back to the salon and had the owner, Lesley, do my hair.

Leslie has been my stylist for two years.

I got 99 problems but a bitch ain't one...

Taking Care of Bi'ness!

Happy Valentines Day Y'all!!!! ♥

I have officially been doing stuff! Stuff that, I hope, will make me a better person. I'm putting things into action. Finally! I'm actually focusing on things I'm doing and not thinking about what hasn't been done. I'm feeling great.

I'm not saying, "I'm going to..." anymore. I'm saying, "I WILL!" No more gonnas...that's the key.

So to keep this positive train a-going I'm gonna recap my successes this week/weekend:

1. I have been writing regularly on this blog!!! Hell yeah!!!

2. I quit Facebook! I've been bored with Facebook lately. I remember how fun and interesting Facebook was when I first joined and it has turned into a grind. I found myself checking it constantly throughout the day without thinking or realizing how often I was doing it. Also, it seems like there are only a few types of people posting on Facebook: Those that pat themselves on the back, sick people, "Other Worldly Types" (you know the type - the guy that posts statuses which make no sense - ex. "Sun = Black Hole. Wow"), and DRAMA TYPES! Um, yeah, no thanks. Speaking of drama I had tons of FB family drama last week, which made me feel like I was being pulled in different directions so finally I said, "Fuck it", and deleted my account altogether. It's been awesome taking a break from ol' Facebook. I'm sure I'll go back but I want to see how long I can stay away.

3. I've been having some issues with a good friend of mine. We've exchanged a couple of emails regarding these issues and have been trying to resolve them. It's been my turn to reply to her email and I've been sitting on it for about two weeks. Mainly I've been mulling over the right things to say. Friday I decided that it had been on my mind long enough and I wrote her back. It was tough and emotional but I did it. I want to move on, move ahead, and I can't have these lingering issues in my life anymore. I feel like I've done what I can with the relationship, so now it's in her court. We'll see how it goes....

4. Okay, I am soooo proud of this one!! Ready??? I bought a tennis racquet, played some tennis with my sweet husband, AND registered for my tennis lessons! How awesome is that?!? I was working on schoolwork last night and I got stuck on some problems so I decided to take my dog for a walk. Since I had just purchased my racquet earlier that day my husband suggested that we go hit some tennis balls instead. We did and it was a BLAST! I am sooooo excited to begin taking lessons next month!

5. I ate crappy this weekend but there were times that I made some good choices. I went to Chattanooga with my parents, sister, and her kids on Saturday. When we were leaving my house we stopped at Chick-fil-a to grab a "snack" for the ride. Everyone ordered combos but I ordered a Kids Meal 1 Count Chicken Finger meal. Then, when we were at lunch instead of ordering chicken fingers or a pizza I ordered bruschetta. These are small steps, but I'm happy I'm making steps whether they be big or small.

6. Yesterday I planned on cleaning our bedroom, catching up laundry, and changing the sheets. My schoolwork took longer than expected so I didn't get a chance to clean the room but I did everything else. I'm happy that laundry is caught up and put away - it makes the workday mornings so much smoother when laundry is taken care of, so I'm celebrating that!

Tonight is Valentine's Day and I'm sure my dear husband is going to have an awesome dinner waiting on me when I get home from class. I love that man. Tomorrow night we're bowling, and I have to work on a paper afterwards. BUT after I get home from class on Wednesday we will go hit some tennis balls again! I think tennis might just be my thing, y'all!

Do-Do....

I was a member of Weight Watchers for awhile last year and during one of my converstaions with the meeting leader she said something that stuck with me, "It's not what you don't do. It's what you do do." Hmmmm....this week I keep returning to that simple phrase.

I've gone through a really difficult time these past two months. And I haven't realized howdepressed I was until recently when I've finally been feeling like I'm pulling out of it. I'd like to say that I'm back to normal but that's not exactly true. I feel higher than normal. I feel like...um...(pardon the cheesiness) like the past few months it's been all gray days with small bursts of sunshine. Now I feel like the sun is shining all day long with a rainbow, happy monkeys, laughing babies, confetti, and shit. Okay. Maybe not THAT great. But I'm feeling good. I was supported by some really great people these past couple of months and I want to shower them with love. I want to grab on to them and hold them tight and let them know how much they mean to me. I don't know if I could have made it without them. Seriously. I've got some amazing people in my life. An awesome support system.

Any-hoo. With all of this happiness and positivity I'm feeling I feel like I can do anything. I'm not thinking about the stuff I'm not doing or haven't been doing. I'm thinking about the stuff I AM doing. And now I'm thinking about what I CAN do. I like it.

I recently wrote an essay for my English class. I was nervous about it. I had not written an essay in years and I wasn't sure I even knew WHAT an essay was anymore. I wrote my essay at work, looked over it a few of times and changed some things, then the night before it was due I spent about an hour on it polishing it up. After I turned it in and as I waited for my grade I was sure I got a C or worse on it. It had to have a thesis. "What the hell is a thesis?" I thought. I didn't think mine had one. I got my essay back...I got a 95. Sweeeeeeeet.

I had a Criminal Law exam on Wednesday. I studied during my lunch hour on Tuesday, but had planned to also study Tuesday night. Instead, I ended up hanging, talking, and drinking with my friend until midnight on Tuesday. I had thirty minutes to study for the exam on Wednesday. I was nervous. I thought I might do really bad on the exam. I went to take the test and it had forty questions. I finished it in 15 minutes. I knew that shit. I think I may have gotten one question wrong. Maybe.

I am doing stuff, y'all!

I'm gonna sign up for tennis lessons. I'm going to learn how to play tennis. I will do it. Why the hell shouldn't I?!?

I have discovered through going to school and making good grades that if I just do something and put the time in I can succeed. I may not always apply all of my possible effort, but if I do what I can do and not pressure myself to be 100% perfect all the time I can be pretty damn successful.

I can lose weight. I CAN do it. I just have to start DOING it. I don't wanna focus on the cookies I ate yesterday (daaaaamn...they were good!) I wanna focus on today and what I am doing right today. I just want to grab the reins and do everything that I've been wanting to do but haven't. So what if I fail? I have a strong support system and they'll catch me.

I'm ready.