Saturday, February 26, 2011


Why did I fail to deliver my first child?
Why did I completely fail as a woman?
Why can't I get over this miscarriage?
Why do I say that I'm not ashamed about having a miscarriage when I actually couldn't be more ashamed?
Why wasn't my best friend there for me?
Why can't I focus on what I have rather than what I don't?
Why can't I be a better wife, sister, daughter, friend, and aunt?
Why do I have so much self-doubt?
Why do I feel one way one day and completely opposite the next?
Why can't I trust my own emotions?
Why am I not a better student?
Why am I not a better writer?
Why can't I be honest in my writing?
Why am I so scared?
Why can't I let go of my best friend and focus on the people that were there for me?
Why do I still think about her?
Why can't I move on?
Why did I pick her to be in my wedding?
Why did I think of her as a sister?
Why doesn't she pick up the phone and make things right?
Why did we have to get pregnant at the same time?
Why can't I celebrate her new marriage with her?
Why can't I be there for her with her pregnancy?
Why can't she be a good friend to me?
Why doesn't she care about me?
Why did I buy things for her baby?
Why can't I send them?
Why is it that I can't let go of this relationship?
Why can't I be better?


  1. Just wanted to let you know that I was here. And I read what your wrote. And it's hard, but I'm here for you.

    Thank you for sharing. For real.

  2. No answers here, but I can say that I have lots of big why's that I haven't dared write. Not sure if you're into this type of thing, but here's a link to my favorite Mary Oliver poem that always seems to let me be okay with whatever is nagging at me.

    Lesley @
    (Because I can't get my accounts to sync up with the correct blog.)

  3. @Lesley Thanks so much. Poetry isn't really my thing but I read the poem and I loved it. I cna definitely see how it has helped you. :)