I was a member of Weight Watchers for awhile last year and during one of my converstaions with the meeting leader she said something that stuck with me, "It's not what you don't do. It's what you do do." Hmmmm....this week I keep returning to that simple phrase.
I've gone through a really difficult time these past two months. And I haven't realized howdepressed I was until recently when I've finally been feeling like I'm pulling out of it. I'd like to say that I'm back to normal but that's not exactly true. I feel higher than normal. I feel like...um...(pardon the cheesiness) like the past few months it's been all gray days with small bursts of sunshine. Now I feel like the sun is shining all day long with a rainbow, happy monkeys, laughing babies, confetti, and shit. Okay. Maybe not THAT great. But I'm feeling good. I was supported by some really great people these past couple of months and I want to shower them with love. I want to grab on to them and hold them tight and let them know how much they mean to me. I don't know if I could have made it without them. Seriously. I've got some amazing people in my life. An awesome support system.
Any-hoo. With all of this happiness and positivity I'm feeling I feel like I can do anything. I'm not thinking about the stuff I'm not doing or haven't been doing. I'm thinking about the stuff I AM doing. And now I'm thinking about what I CAN do. I like it.
I recently wrote an essay for my English class. I was nervous about it. I had not written an essay in years and I wasn't sure I even knew WHAT an essay was anymore. I wrote my essay at work, looked over it a few of times and changed some things, then the night before it was due I spent about an hour on it polishing it up. After I turned it in and as I waited for my grade I was sure I got a C or worse on it. It had to have a thesis. "What the hell is a thesis?" I thought. I didn't think mine had one. I got my essay back...I got a 95. Sweeeeeeeet.
I had a Criminal Law exam on Wednesday. I studied during my lunch hour on Tuesday, but had planned to also study Tuesday night. Instead, I ended up hanging, talking, and drinking with my friend until midnight on Tuesday. I had thirty minutes to study for the exam on Wednesday. I was nervous. I thought I might do really bad on the exam. I went to take the test and it had forty questions. I finished it in 15 minutes. I knew that shit. I think I may have gotten one question wrong. Maybe.
I am doing stuff, y'all!
I'm gonna sign up for tennis lessons. I'm going to learn how to play tennis. I will do it. Why the hell shouldn't I?!?
I have discovered through going to school and making good grades that if I just do something and put the time in I can succeed. I may not always apply all of my possible effort, but if I do what I can do and not pressure myself to be 100% perfect all the time I can be pretty damn successful.
I can lose weight. I CAN do it. I just have to start DOING it. I don't wanna focus on the cookies I ate yesterday (daaaaamn...they were good!) I wanna focus on today and what I am doing right today. I just want to grab the reins and do everything that I've been wanting to do but haven't. So what if I fail? I have a strong support system and they'll catch me.